Witnessing Grief Honoring Love

"Goodbyes are only for those who love with their eyes.

Because for those who love with heart and soul there is no such thing as separation."

~ Rumi.

Grief needs witness. Grief needs ritual. Grief needs outlets—again and again, in many forms, across time.

In Western culture, a Celebration of Life or funeral service can bring deep comfort. Yet for many, those moments arrive while we are still in shock, utterly depleted from planning and decision-making. And too often, that is where the communal support ends.

Afterward, we are left to craft our own rituals, to discover our own pathways for expression, and to discern who among our circle can truly witness us—if, when, and how we wish to be witnessed.

Grief is not a single event to be completed; it is a living, shifting journey—unique, intimate, and ever-transforming.

When my thirty-year-old son Graham transitioned to spirit on New Year’s Day 2021, I was in shock — not only by his death, but by the medium’s confirmation and the immediate, unmistakable contact I received from him. The experience left me awed; I clung to that awe because it brought hope, comfort, and a kind of wonder. Yet awe cannot erase the ache. At times it softened the pain, even seemed to hold it tenderly, but the grief still needed and still needs to be honored. Without that heartbreak there is no crack for light to enter. My beloved father’s steady wisdom kept returning to me — I could hear his voice singing “Sunrise, Sunset,” reminding me: “As surely as there is a sunset, there is a sunrise. As sure as there is a winter, there follows a spring. And as sure as there are tears, there follows happiness.” The tears must flow — and haven’t you noticed sometimes they flow through a smile?